Just Pixels

My Lord God, I have no idea where I am going.
I do not see the road ahead of me.
I cannot know for certain where it will end.
Nor do I really know myself,
and the fact that I think I am following your will
does not mean that I am actually doing so.

But I believe that the desire to please you
does in fact please you.
And I hope I have the desire in all I am doing.
I hope from that desire,
and I know that if I do this
you will lead me by the right road
though I may know nothing about it.

Therefore I will trust you always,
though I may seem to be lost and in the shadow of death.
I will not fear for you are ever with me,
and you will never leave me to face my perils alone.

- Thomas Merton

Found this one recently. After reading it I wondered where this prayer has been my whole life. I thought "I can really say that? I can really say I have no flipping idea what's going on?"

Apparently so. Which makes me say GREAT! I should admit that more often. And I think I will. Striving for direction is good. And wanting to please God also. But having the 'I don't know' in my front pocket makes life real. Like I'm not lying. Like I'm not a false-front of pretense.

So I feel immense relief in praying this sentiment: "I don't know."
If I'm honest it characterizes a lot of my life probably, though at times there's a certain amount of facading I trick myself with. Try to pretend I've got a lasso on all my cows. Pshaw.

But the last two lines are by far the best. The most promising. The most comforting. The most encouraging. What they represent is just really good news. News that I unfortunately forget a lot.