If I'm honest with myself I've always believed. At least a little bit. Imagination was never really a problem you see. But it seems it's getting harder to doubt the more I learn.
Friends, I have a most dire proclamation, commanding your most sincere consideration.
This isn't easy for me to say...
...But bigfoot might be real.
I know. Take a breath. Maybe a draught of SoCo or three.
If you're like me you grew up in the woods and this new found consideration makes you retroactively fearful of WHAT could've been in the woods with you all those years.
As a bigfoot believer said: "It's not that I'm afraid of the dark...just afraid of what's IN the dark."
But this is merely the tip of a very hairy iceberg my dear chillens.
So it was that the 2009 Honobia Bigfoot Festival came and went. It was in the middle of nowhere Oklahoma and the camping was great if not a bit spooky. Heidi and I even went out on assignment with some of these bigfoot "researchers." It was hella dark and they played bigfoot call blasts over the loud speaker (to entice bigfeet, obviously) and banged on trees with sticks ("wood knocks").
One guy had a .45 strapped to his leg "in case they get right on top of us." Apparently everyone is packing heat on these bigfoot "research trips". Is anyone really surprised? All told we might've heard a bigfoot "whoop" in the distance round midnight. Maybe. But it was quite entertaining and a tad bit surreal. Are we REALLY out here doing this? Yes, yes we are. So what does that say about us?...
But just to clear things up, we're OKAY. Thanks though for your concern on our behalf. No bigfoot attacks to report, and nary a sighting to speak of. Gracias a Dios.
Heidi also earned her Faithful Random Friend merit badge for her attendance. Funny how few people want to attend a bigfoot conference mid-week in backwater, America.
But the festival was far from a revival and yet I came away with a gospel message of a different color.
During the weekend Heidi and I heard from prominent bigfoot "researchers" in the area and nation. These were the pros, friends, and they are a curious breed.
Long story short, these people are largely backwoods in nature. Surprised? Really? While I'm personally fine with this, the presence of a camouflage L.S.U. hat on your nog doesn't really help your credibility (Tiger fans please take offense). And yet, these people have some rather provocative first-hand bigfoot stories. I couldn't get enough. And I've never seen so many willing orators in my life. Sheesh.
But there are others who believe too. A lot of white collar folks. Some with PhDs and highly legitimate civilian jobs on the outside. Certainly all these factors should be considered.
So my main questions are thus:
Why have there been so many alleged bigfoot sightings of roughly a similar nature over a multi-century time frame? Are there truly thousands of off-their-rocker yokels? Or, is this an impeccably crafted hoax spanning multiple generations and thousands of miles? Or both? Are ALL these people lying? Or simply mistook certain creatures for bigfoot?
One theory debunking the Loch Ness monster is that sightings only started in the 1930s. No previous history makes the B.S. flag angry, so the critics say. In contrast, sasquatch has been cracking open natty lights on red neck porches since the early 1800s, according to some books I perused (yes, I peruse bigfoot books. there i said it). Whatever bigfootish thing people have seen, they've been seeing it for a long time and have been writing it down to boot. Most curious.
Now really. Are there that many nut jobs? That many mistaken observations?
Or do people just WANT to believe in bigfoot and therefore yarn their tales at will?
Or, could it be that there's REALLY something out there? (Mulder and Skully enter stage left) We think the world is so small and yet there are some flipping REMOTE places right here in our own Fifty Nifty that we don't fully know about. Believe me. I lived in Wyoming. I know.
But the bigfoot pros say there are only between 2,000 and 6,000 bigfoots in all of North America. They think bigfoots are highly intelligent, masters of their terrain, and can therefore elude detection like Friar Tuck on his way home from the pub.
There have been bigfoot reports in every state (including an alleged sighting near Norman's Lake Thunderbird) except Hawaii, citing bi-pedal creatures with a mid-tarsal joint on the feet (like primates). They come in several colors: brown, black, reddish, blondish and occasionally leopard print (they can't get enough of Halloween, so they say).
Bigfoot likes his terrain like his women: rough and quiet. They are said to live in clans of three to 20, roaming a large home area and never staying in one place for very long. They are smelly brutes and, debatably, have a marsupial pouch for the sole purpose of hip-flask storage (reports are inconclusive on that last fact).
BUT MOST INTERESTINGLY (all sarcasm aside):
Folks now think bigfoot has his own language.
A former Navy cryptolinguist gave a spiel on this. He's firmly convinced of it and thinks sasquatch has a vibrant language that he and his pals use to talk about who's gonna catch dinner that night, whose female is knocked up A-GAIN and who's gonna win the Bi-Ped Bowl come February. You know, the essentials.
But seriously, this guy really believes this. And he's putting serious time and effort into proving his beliefs. Scott Nelson is his name. Here are his creds. Do you think this guy is off? What DO you think?
Are we gonna see Bigfootese on Rosetta Stone shelves soon?
Probably not, but Nelson makes some very compelling arguments for bigfootkind (i.e. he's working on a bigfootese alphabet and hopes to talk to bigfoot in his own tongue).
So, anyway. There's a big world of info out there on sasquatch. More than you care to know, I know. I don't even know why I care so much. It's the intrigue appeal I suppose.
So what are we to make of this friends?
Is the truth really out there?
Land ho! Our campsite in Honobia, OK: Christ's 40 Acres. Lovely place, really. Heidi, posting up.
Beauty scenery. We were in SE Oklahoma, about 50 miles east of Antlers, OK. Yeah seriously, WHERE'S THAT? But most bigfoot sightings are in this part of the state. Not sure King Cong would get noticed in those woods...
Wait...I think I see something...
Campsite. Our tents are in the middle there. Nice short-leaf pines everywhere.
Bigfoot story campfire! So good! This guy has seen bigfeet several times down there.
Dr. Jeff Meldrum during his presentation of cave drawings depicting bigfoot. He's a prof at Idaho State and he has a new book out which you can actually buy on Amazon. NO, I didn't buy the book. C'mon, people. I check mine out at the library, seriously.
Cryptolinguist Scott Nelson during his presentation. He played a bunch of alleged bigfoot conversation snippits for us. Pretty wild.
Festival flair. Yum.
Former Honobia, OK post office. Apparently it was the smallest post office in the US in its day. Coincidence?...the country's smallest post office in bigfoot territory. I wouldn't want them in my post office either, tell you what.
for other light reading, might I suggest:
-A very spooky bigfoot encounter
-Bigfoot Research Organization
-North America Bigfoot Search