Just Pixels

I read in a journaling magazine once that you should write out every emotion you feel every day. It's supposed to help you know what's really going on in your life. Know exactly what you're feeling. Something like that.

I've never made an actual list before. For some reason I did today. I think it illustrates our active emotional lives. Or maybe I'm just an emotive 13-year-old girl in sheep's clothing.
No offense to the 13-year-old girls in the audience...


Emotional List, v. 1.0

Fatigue
Uncertainty
Impatience
Indifference
Brief Angst
Self disappointment
Disorganization
Hurriedness
Mild Gloom
Forgetfulness
Surprise
Intrigue
Wonder
Insecurity
Alienation
Interest
Distraction
Disappointment
Sudden Joy/Gratitude/Thankfulness/Encouragement
Aimless introspection (selfishness?)
Anticipation
Apathy
Anxiety
Brief Alienation
Fulfillment
Connection
Enjoyment
Intellectually adventurous (is that a feeling?)
Trust
Humility
Reverence
Contentedness

__________________________

So. Quite the gamut of feelings. Or just a normal day-in-the-life of J.S. Probably the latter. The list is nice though. I think I'll do it again. Maybe you could try it too.

In pondering the list though, I feel like we're all emotional fibbers. At least I often feel like one. For every emotion I feel, probably one fifth of them actually reaches the surface and finds an avenue of eruptive expression (peaceful or otherwise).

I'm not sure if that's normal or good, but I think it's fair to say a large portion of society's emotions are filtered on a regular basis (read: husbands answering the "how do you like my new haircut?" question). Though I'm curious how you would rate your level of emotional filtration...

And yet, we'd probably all agree that we feel many, many emotions on a regular basis. Every day. Each hour. Minute by minute. I'm certainly an emo power plant.

But what are we doing with all these excess, un-addressed feelings? I don't really know what I do with all of mine. Or exactly how they affect me. (if we could only turn them into kinetic energy somehow...wow...the real clean fuel solution).

And while we all feel these sundry emotions, we can be rather brusque with how we let others express theirs. Or uninterested. And/or perhaps overly self-conscious with how we share ours. Or not self-conscious enough. Interesting how all that works.

But I wonder how many people are hurting and we're simply unaware. Or people who are lonely, or in need. Or excited. Or joyful. But they're just stone faced. And we don't know it. I don't know it. And yet I do it sometimes too.

Certainly, I think we could do better at self-expression and also listening/accommodating others.

I like to think of it in terms of two simple declarations:

"Hey, big mouth, shut up and listen!"

"And you, mumbler, speak up!"

But I guess it's not quite so simple...

And I think about the importance of finding avenues of emotional expression. Finding your emo highway. Your stomping ground. Your sphere of influence. Your Tuesday night bowling league with the guys.

People, music, photography, writing, aerobic recreation. These avenues help me not a little. Others too.

Hmm. Been reading this book. Got me going on this topic.

So, yeah...the emotion post. Perhaps I should go do some thinking now.